Modern heartbreak is a thing I have recently become very familiar with. I think it is definitely one of the most consuming heartbreaks there is. It consumes you in a way that you constantly refresh your Facebook or Instagram feed to see if your ex-lover has posted something new. It’s going onto their profile to ensure that you haven’t missed anything that they may have posted. It’s your heart breaking a little bit more each time, when you notice that they tag other girls on Facebook posts now.
Modern heartbreak is visiting all the old spots you two used to visit together; hoping you will cross paths with them again, and hoping that as soon as they see you, they will realise what a big mistake they made. But it’s also knowing that this isn’t reality. Reality is that they’re over you now, but it’s just taking you a little longer to get over them.
Modern heartbreak is swiping through your camera roll and looking at all the pictures of you two together or of the pictures you took of them, and wondering where it all went wrong, because once upon time, you were both really happy with each other. It’s making the decision of whether to delete the pictures or to keep them as a constant reminder of what could of been, but was not. At least anymore is not.
Modern heartbreak is everywhere and everyone sees it. It’s not easily escapable, or easily covered up. Everyone sees it and it never goes away. Everyone notices when your profile changes from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” to “single”. Everyone notices when you stop tagging your lover in entertaining Facebook posts. Everyone notices when your lover’s presence vanishes from your Instagram page. But that is what modern heartbreak is; it is the kind of heartbreak everyone feels and everyone sees, and you just can’t simply ignore it.
Modern heartbreak is calling your tired love, six months later, drunk; leaving a voicemail speaking of how much you miss them, and not getting a call or even a message from them. Modern heartbreak is picking yourself up and deciding you deserve better. You deserve someone who cares about how you feel. It’s creating a Tinder account for the first time, because although as much as you don’t want to give in to modern dating, you believe it’s your last shot at finding someone to kiss you goodnight. It’s swiping through Tinder profiles, and then coming across your tired love’s profile. It’s your heart falling to your stomach. It’s you swiping right, regardless of how much your brain was telling your heart to swipe left.
It’s looking back at your matches on the hour every hour for one week and then finally accepting they’re over you, and you too, need to get over them. It’s realising how dumb you must have been to think they’d swipe right on you. Why would they? You’re over. You were a thing, it didn’t work out and now you’re two strangers again with bittersweet memories.
And once you have realised it; the next step is to accept it.